Barsexuality is the new black.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
