This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
