where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize