I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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