did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
