I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize