He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
