Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize