Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
