you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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