how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize