i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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