So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
