It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I met the friendliest cop last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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