i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
