As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this hospital has no fireball
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize