Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
