so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Of course I have a pirate flag
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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