Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
