My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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