Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
