I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
