Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
