I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
