i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
