you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
