I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
