think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
