I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
