I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
