im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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