We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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