dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
