I don't remember. Are we still dating?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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