Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
