the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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