a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
