I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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