The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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