It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
