i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
