Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
