Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
