My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
