I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
