I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
