have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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