i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
