Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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