she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
