I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
