So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
