I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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