you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
