you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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