I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
