He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
