Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
