I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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