I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't notice because vodka
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
