update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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