HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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