the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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